Judging Others

For me this seems like the one most difficult thing for a human being NOT to do.  We all automatically have our thoughts or feelings about stuff.  When someone does something, chooses something, reacts to something, or just about any decision another person makes.....we feel some sort of judgement.

I think "Being Judged" is probably the worst feeling a person can experience besides the death of a loved one.  We all have been judged.  And we all have judged others.  We know how it feels and yet we still do it to each other.

I have tried so hard over the past few years to focus on this human defect that I have.  I feel like I have no business making judgements no matter what the situation may be.  Even if I've been through something someone else is going through and they aren't reacting the same way I did I still have no business judging them because everyone has a right to their own feelings and everyone has different reactions.  Usually I have a judgement but I try very hard to keep it to myself.  What's the point of my opinion?  How does it change anything in that persons life?  All it does is make me feel superior.  And in the end it hurts the other person.  And what makes me right and them wrong?  Who is the JUDGE of that?

Here's why I feel so strongly about this.  When I was younger OF COURSE I knew everything.  And I was very judgmental about just about everything everyone else did.  One day I was at a family gathering after I had my first baby and someone started talking about Post Pardem Depression.  I got all up on my High Horse and started going on and on about how I just could NOT understand how someone could be depressed at all when they have a beautiful baby to hold and love.  I just could not wrap my head around it and as far as I was concerned someone like that was just ungrateful and being selfish.  WOW!!!  REALLY???  Could I have been MORE wrong if I was actually trying to be wrong?  Yes it turns out I could.  After the birth of my second baby I went into a deep dark depression for almost 2 years.  I cried for most of that time.  I couldn't clean, I couldn't sort through the mail and pay bills.  By the time I came out of it I had an island in my Kitchen that was literally covered with mail and other misc. paperwork that I could not deal with.  I eventually, with lots of work, got through it.  And I NEVER forgot what I said at that gathering.  And wondered how many other people I had said that to.  And what if I had said it to someone who went through it?  And how did it make them feel when I said it?  Well.  As far as I'm concerned.  I was a total ass.  And any time I think I know something better than someone else does I try to check my opinion at the opening of my mouth and NOT say it.

So wether it's depression, the way someone is raising their kids, how many animals a person has, what color they paint their house, if they have fake boobs, maybe they were a stripper in their past, or maybe they are a stripper now.......IT DOESN'T MATTER what I think!!!!!!!  It's their life and I have no business waving my finger at them and making them feel like a lesser person than me.

We are all wonderful, human individuals.  All of our different choices and experiences and reactions are what make our society such a unique and wonderful place to be in.  Could we all stop looking at other people to see whats wrong with them and instead turn the finger around and point it at ourselves to see what's broken inside of us.  What is it inside of us that we are avoiding that we feel such a need to point out what everyone else is doing wrong?

So.....My advice....and I have a lot of it....IS.  The next time your at a party and you feel the need to say something out loud that involves something that any one of the people in the room could possibly have going on or have been through......don't say it.  For instance if you are out with a group of girls and you don't know everyone, don't say "Oh Yeah she's the one with fake boobs!"  Or "I don't understand how anyone would want to get fake boobs" Or "I think it's irresponsible for someone to have so many kids" OR ANYTHING that could possibly be something that someone in that group might take offense to.  It's just not worth making someone feel stupid or insecure about themselves.  And in the end I think it makes the person making the judgement look like an Ass.  ESPECIALLY if other people in the room know the person that you have just made a judgement about that you don't even know you did.

The things we say DO affect other people.  No matter what you tell yourself, if someone says something out loud that points out something about you that they think is wrong....it will have an affect.  So empathy is always the best path.  Try to put yourself there.  Do you REALLY know what you would do?  Are you sure?  I think not.  Because you've never been there.  And even if you have you were given different tools in life to handle things than any other person so comparing the two situations is not even accurate.

My husband read somewhere once that "If you have the choice between being right and being kind you should always choose being kind."  Of course this can't work in every situation but in the case of judgement I think it applies every time.