If I could bottle this magic and sell it to Woman I'd be rich and giving all my money to the homeless......OK Here's the deal. When I hit 40 (Which is an awesome age by the way) it was like my fairy Godmother came and waved a magic wand over my head with pink sparkles and pretty bubbles. All of the sudden I was totally comfortable in my own skin. What I mean is that I feel more confidant, more secure, happier with who I am and less "aware" of who's looking at me and who's not. I am way less intimidated by others than I ever was. Although most people who know me well would never believe that I could ever be intimidated. I absolutely could........
I turned 40 in Hawaii. Jay won a trip and off we went to Hawaii for both our birthdays. My biggest concerns of course was leaving the kids AND flying over the Ocean for 8 hours to get there. (This does not fit into my safety bubble!!!!!!!!!) However I was not as worried about how I looked and who I would meet. I planned the best I could and when I got there I had the best time!! I couldn't believe all the different people from all over the world. And I had to ask myself what is it about me that makes me think that somehow I stand out from all the rest? That I am so sure that EVERYONE is looking at me and what I'm wearing or how I'm acting or what I say? Why on Earth do I think I'm so special? Not that I'm not special. We are all special. But the point is that if there is a group of people huddled in a corner of the room at a party whispering there is a pretty high probability that I am not the person they are discussing. What part of my Ego makes me think that out of all the people in the room I am the most important one that they would be over there making fun of or gossiping about???????
As Woman we especially carry this with us through our 20's and 30's. And it's awful how we run around feeling intimidated because "She's prettier" or "She's skinnier" or "She's got 4 kids and is a more experienced Mother" or whatever it is that we think makes us some how inferior to another person.
As a 42 year old Woman I can honestly say that it's rare for me to feel intimidated in this way anymore. I do have my moments....Like Shakira....WHAT MAN WOULD NOT WANT THAT WOMAN???? I really don't like her because of it. And I feel jealous and insecure about it. Fortunately for me she'll probably never come near my husband. But as far as every day life goes. I have found that if I am feeling insecure now it's because I am in a conversation with someone who's deliberately trying to make me feel that way. They may be doing it on purpose or without even being aware of it. Either way you know when your in this conversation because all of the sudden you feel like you have to rationalize or apologize for the way you live your life. And when that happens I just walk away. This person is NOT my friend. And no matter how comfortable I am in my skin this person is sure to make me uncomfortable which is not a feeling I enjoy anymore.
On the flip side of this coin I wondered to myself while we were in Hawaii, why can't I walk right up to John Chambers and tell him how wonderful I think Cisco is and the positive impact that it's had on our family? Is there something about me that makes me less important than anyone else who is in this same room with him? Are there only "certain people" who are allowed to socialize with him? I think not. So I put on my Big Girl Panties and marched right up to him. Shook his hand and in a few brief words let him know how I felt. I'm pretty sure Jay almost peed his pants. Cuz really who knows what's going to come out of my mouth when I get there? That's totally fair. But I felt like I had just as much right to talk to him as anyone else so I did.
Also while I was in Hawaii I let down my walls that I've had up protecting me for years. All that hyper self awareness and fear of others went out the window and as a result I met some of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life. One of whom was a beautiful blonde italian woman who couldn't speak a word of English. I was so taken by her beauty that I was sure if I talked to her that she would immediately steal my husband and run off with him!!! Now I must add that I don't think my husband is going to run off with someone. This is an irrational fear that keeps me away from people. So I marched up to her and dragged her onto the dance floor. We became fast friends even though we could understand each other. And it turns out that she was feeling pretty bad because she couldn't speak English and can you even imagine how left out you would feel if you were in a large group of people who didn't speak your language?
My point to all of this is that I would NOT go back to my 20's or 30's. I would NOT trade in my 40 year old body and face for my younger version of me. I wasted all that time worrying while I had it and now that I don't I really.......just don't care. I would much rather have the experience I have, the children I have, the 15 years of marriage I have and feel good about myself than give it all up to look the way I did then. And I've talked to many Woman who feel the same way.
So My hope for you is that you find that comfort in your skin well before I ever did. That you realize the only thing you need to feel good about yourself is your own approval. Give yourself permission to be who you are, or to try something new that you've always wanted to try. Wear those heels in your closet that you've always wanted to wear. Or that little black dress that you know you look great in but always end up putting back in favor of something that will "fit in" more. Life is just way too short not to do these things!
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