This is a perfect opportunity to point out a very important problem with the way our society has functioned in the past, how we function now and what we can do better to function in the future.
Dysfunction is the number one problem the human race has. You can point out just about any horrible thing that goes on in society and pretty much it leads back to one main cause....Dysfunction. We all have it. None of us are immune. And it's not just in the United States, it's everywhere.
If you look at racial problems the main dysfunction with African American society goes back to slavery. Now I've heard so many people say "They should be over it by now" or "It's not an excuse to behave badly" Really? Have you ever been a slave? Have you ever had a Grandparent who was a slave? People don't get over things like Slavery overnight, over weeks, over months, over years or even over generations. It takes hard work and dedication to overcome something that is so horrible, I cannot even wrap my brain around it. From this tragedy that people went through all those years ago are born people who are raised by people who went thru it. Then those children grow up and raise more children who didn't go through it but probably have an elder relative who did go through it. And so on......
So even though slavery has been gone for many many years THERE ARE still people who feel the repercussions of what it did and THERE ARE still people who believe it was OK that it happened. This is how the dysfunction survives. It is passed on to our children by us from someone else who gave it to us. Hopefully we are doing everything we can to break the cycle but it's nearly impossible so ANY progress we make as humans is good.
Onto the coaching scandal. Sexual abuse has been going on since the beginning of time. It wasn't very long ago that girls as young as 12 and 14 were being married off by their parents. I cannot even imagine considering this with my girls even for a millisecond......But there are people in this world who really believe in their hearts that they are not doing anything wrong when they put their hands on a child in a sexual way. There are people who know it's wrong but do it anyway. And this too is something that in my opinion has been passed down throughout the generations from one person to another person who either did this kind of behavior OR LOOKED THE OTHER WAY WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why does that last line mean so much to me? Well I believe in my heart of hearts that if a person knows something is going on and they look the other way, they are just as guilty. This brings me to Joe Paterno. In his latest interview he say's "I didn't know how to handle the situation because I'd never been in anything like it before" Ok. I can totally understand that. But "Not knowing how to handle something" is absolutely no excuse for not doing anything about it. He told someone and then just let it go. NOT saying he's to blame. Just saying that every child who was touched after he dropped the ball is on his shoulders. Maybe it was just one child and just one time but that child WILL NEVER EVER be the same and guess what????? The dysfunction continues..........
So. When I'm in a situation where I know something is going on that is wrong and I'm wondering if I should do something about it here's how I know I should. It's that deep ache in the pit of my stomach that follows me around until I'm sick. I can probably do something to "ease" the ache but it's not going anywhere. It's called my heart of hearts and it's telling me that no matter what repercussions "I" may face that I have to do what's right. There is NO excuse for looking the other way. There just isn't one. And I defy anyone to try and find one that can convince me otherwise. I don't think you can.
I've been in this situation many times throughout my life but 3 of them stand out to me.
1. I'm on Facebook with a young relative and she's sending me messages about how mad she is at her parents. Then in her last message she writes "I just want to shoot myself. My Dad has guns all over the house and I know how to use them" Then I can't get a hold of her no matter what I do. I try chatting. I even send her a message that she needs to get a hold of me right away before I call the police. And I try calling. No response. So what do I do? I call the police. What choice do I have at this point? She is too far away for me to go there, which might put me in danger anyway, so I call the police. I KNOW that this is going to cause serious problems for me and some of the people in my family. I also know that my kids probably won't ever see her again due to the anger her parents will feel towards me. And finally I know that she is going to hate me for what I did. I do it anyway. Because at that very moment her life is the only thing on the whole planet that is important to me and it's literally IN MY HANDS!!
2. My daughter tells me I didn't do enough over the past couple of years to help her through some hard times. This is totally true. And what was my excuse? I didn't know what to do!!! Not good enough. If I don't know what to do then I need to find someone who does know what to do. Because not doing anything is like saying I don't love you enough. And the affects are Earth Shattering. And I told her as soon as someone gave me a solution I acted. But I could have acted sooner and I didn't. So I let her down and she knows that I know that. This is how we try and break that cycle of dysfunction.
3. One of my kids comes home from school and tells me that someone is cutting themselves at school. I don't care if they are using a butter knife or a raiser blade I'M RAISING THE ALARM!! Because it doesn't matter to me why this child is cutting. The act of cutting is a huge cry for help. And now my child has been exposed to this horrible behavior and is walking around with bad feelings inside over it. So I call the school RIGHT AWAY and I tattle. And then I tell my daughter to lie about telling me. It's OK. No one needs to know it was her. They just need to know that someone cared enough to tell someone else who could do something about it. They may not like it but maybe if someone is paying attention this person will get help. Maybe not.
Looking the other way. Not knowing how to handle something. Not knowing what to do...just isn't good enough for me. If I'm a grown up than I have a responsibility to take action and find a solution. It's what grown ups do. We are here to protect our kids and everyone else's kids. It's a really crappy job to have to step in and do what inevitably causes uncomfortable feelings and anger but if it protects even one child from one thing that might change their life forever I'm willing to do it.
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