Holding a grudge

Well if I had known then what I know now I would have been a much happier person.  There is nothing more annoying than going to bed at night and being mad at someone.  Someone who likely doesn't even know I am mad about whatever it is that they did.  This is like opening my brain and saying "Come on and live rent free in here!!"  The only good thing I might get out of holding a grudge is a good workout. 

Now I've known this for a long time but putting it into practice is a whole other thing.  A couple of years ago I found out something that someone said about me and I was pissed.  Like every night for 2 months couldn't get it outta my head pissed.  Then I realized that if I was that mad about it maybe I needed to look at what it was that was said about me.  And so I did.  And once I admitted that it was the truth I was set free.  

This has happened to me several times in my life.  Usually there is some sort of argument or I've said or done something wrong.  My first instinct is always to rationalize my behavior and try to prove that I'm right.  This is totally normal but it's also a total waste of time.  I am spending valuable time trying to "prove" that I have a "right" to be mad.   The only thing that will make me feel better is to own my part in it, apologize if it's appropriate, and move on.  And maybe the apology won't be accepted.  Or maybe the other person doesn't want to hear and and just shhhhsssshhhhsssshhh's me.  "Oh it's not that big a deal I'm over it"  OK well it's still important to clear things up because I will heal myself and that other person WILL hear me and at least know I tried.  People do get uncomfortable with the truth but in the end the discomfort is worth it.  

The disclaimer here is that of course if you've been wronged in a horrendous unthinkable way that I really don't even need to describe because we all know what I'm talking about.  This is something that I've had experience with but I cannot tell another person how to feel.  I can only reference what I said before about the rent free part.  No matter how big the wrong is......do I really want this horrible person to have control over the rest of my life?  

If someone says or does something that bothers me so much that I hold onto it, likely harming Myself and the people around me, then maybe I need to look at WHY it bothers me so much.  If there isn't a why then I need to move on.  It's not worth the damage it causing to me and the people I love.  And there is a pretty good chance that this person IS NOT thinking about me.  They are living inside of my brain for FREE.  Except for the damages I have to pay.  

OK so if you are the kind of person or live with someone who has to get even then you should take the advice of my good friends husband and wait a year...........  ;-D