Ok so for most of my life I am positive that in most situations I "Said the wrong thing" Now. Saying the wrong thing can have so many meanings that you literally cannot put a label on it. I could say "I don't like blue" to someone and literally offend them to the ends of the Earth and totally destroy any possibility of a future relationship with that person. Or I could say "Women who have fake boobs are sluts". Either way. No matter how small or how large the comment is....I am most likely going to offend someone. Now. I'm not a fan of blue. Not my favorite color. I like all colors to be honest but blue is not at the top of my list. I do however have fake boobs. So. BEFORE I had fake boobs and I made comments about them I had no idea what I was saying.
The things I say always come out of me with the best of intentions. Wether I'm trying to help, be funny or make an honest opinion statement. My purpose is not to hurt anyone. However everyone is so different that no matter how hard I try I will most likely offend someone. And I am truly sorry for that.
On the flip side though...if we are not able to express our opinions and feelings without worrying about offending someone than what kind of a World would that be? We learn everything by experience and by friendships and by the way we are raised.
I'm NOT saying that I will just say anything that comes into my mind no matter what the consequences. I do try to think before I speak and consider the person I am talking to. However I am still gonna say things in situations that are likely to spark bad feelings that I totally did not expect. And if I do this I encourage anyone who knows me to call me on it. And even if you don't know me...it's a random conversation in a bar....I still want to know. Because if I know that something I say might hurt you I will not say it. And if you tell me your side I most likely will see it from a different perspective.
There are 2 sides to this story and everyone is on both sides. You either say something that offends. Or you hear something that offends. You have choices.
If you are the offender and someone calls you on it OR you are aware enough to realize that you offended than you can sincerely apologize. And I mean sincerely. I don't mean fake apologize and then go around telling everyone you know how you had to apologize to someone for the way "they" felt. Or you can just be a totally selfish asshole and go through life not realizing that you alienate just about everyone you come into contact with. This is a very lonely choice.
If you are the receiver. You can stand up for the way you feel and tell the person who offended you. Keeping in mind however that there are two sides to every story and if you are SO offended by something someone says to you there may be a reason why. Unless of course it's some random guy in a bar who just say's "Hay your got let's get it on" And even when you stand up for yourself most people you encounter (unfortunately) are not going to hear your side. In this case you just walk away. OR you can just say nothing. And this person just goes through life offending without any consequences. Except of course for the part where no one ever wants to be around them ever.
Even though both are the harder choice:
I choose to make amends if I hurt someone with my words. Even if they still don't like me or won't accept my apology I still try.
I choose to accept an apology. Which rarely ever happens with sincerity. But I also chose not to take what everyone says so personally. Because WHY?????? What makes this persons opinion so much more important than mine? What makes them so much better than me that whatever they say has the power to make me feel bad? I am the only one with that power. And I choose to have it.
We all have the power of words. And we all have the ability to build people up or knock them down with our words. We should always debate and try to see each others point of view. But if we hurt someone with our words. We should own it. It seems like a really hard thing to do but it's actually one of the most satisfying feeling you can ever experience in your whole life. Making amends.
We also have the power to allow someones words to hurt us. I'm human. Of course I get hurt by what people say. Do I need to carry it around with me for the rest of my life and let it eat a hole in my brain? No. I simply accept that the words were an opinion and move on. Because life is just too short to let someone make me feel worthless. If I chose to carry it with me I'm choosing to be a victim. Which just makes me weak.
My blogs are honestly meant to open minds to the other side of things. I do not write to preach or try to change anyones opinions. I write for both sides to try and help each side see the point of view from the other side. I honestly love people and wish everyone happiness. I also highly encourage feedback because I honestly want to know your opinions.
Now that I've put all my feeling out there I must add a disclaimer to this blog because I am in fact married to one Jay Keres who most of you know and if you know him you know that many many things come out of his mouth that are entirely inappropriate. If I could put a tattoo on my forehead that said "Im not responsible for what come's out of Jay's mouth" I would but I can't. What I can do is tell you that no matter what comes out of his mouth it's NOT meant to hurt. It's just who he is. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know. And if you tell him I said that well then... I'll have to kill you. But it's true. His intentions are never meant to hurt. Most people don't intend to hurt. But they do. So I am on Jay like fly's on poo about this topic in particular. I do believe that he too can see the other side of things.
So if you are on the receiving end of my wonderful husbands words. Don't hesitate for even one millisecond to tell me about it. Because I WILL confront him. And believe it or not he listens to me.
In conclusion I suggest this. Think before you speak. And consider before you judge. Everyone comes from a different place. You don't know that what you say will hurt and they don't know that what they say will hurt. Give some leeway. Because as much as you like to point your finger at someone else.....there is someone who is just as willing to point their finger at you...fix yourself. That's all that matters.
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