Because I was an only child I mostly grew up with my Aunts, Uncles and cousins as my most prominent family members. My cousin Chris and I were born 3 months apart. He before me. It was quite a while before any more babies were born into our family so Chris and I were pretty much the "kids" in an entire family of growed up Italians. We had wonderful family gatherings and found all kinds of ways to entertain ourselves. We played games at my Gramma and Grampa's kitchen booth which is still exactly where it was back then. We would climb under the table to get in and out of the booth so other people wouldn't have to move but mostly cuz it was just fun to climb under there. And since it was Gramma's booth we knew it wasn't dirty under there. Not that we cared.....At that booth I also used to make my Aunt Patricia draw pictures of Chris and I getting married. Not cuz I like him "that way" but because he was my best friend in the whole world and that's just how I felt about him.
I spent most of my childhood with my cousin Chris. His Mom my Aunt Theresa watched me for many years while my Mom worked. And even though Chris got to go to Kindergarden before me I still went there most of the days of my life. Which also means we spent every single day during the week together during our Summers. I have so many wonderful memories from these years. I remember getting dropped off in the mornings and watching Sesame street just waiting for Chris to wake up so we could play....of course by the end of each Summer that excitement had turned into something else....
We swam almost every day in the Horse Tank that my Aunt Theresa had next to the house in the yard. We wandered the old neighborhood and him and his friends tortured my by making up stories about Giant Monsters behind buildings. We walked up to the candy store on 24th street and spent all the pennies we could gather. We caught red and black ants. Not the little ones either. In South Omaha the Ants are on steroids so they were the big juicy ones. He got the black ones and I got the red. When it was raining and we were inside driving my Aunt Theresa crazy (mostly this involved Chris whining that he WAS GOING TO DIE if we didn't eat soon) she would send us out on the porch to count raindrops. AND we did it!! We went to lots and lots and lots of baseball games together and I remember being in the back seat with Chris while my Aunt and Uncle (John) repeated over and over and over again. "Shut up Chris" Cuz he could not stop talking. I think even if we had put duct tape over his mouth he would have figured out a way to talk through his ears. We played baseball cards for hours and hours. And even though I know Chris was bored with this game after a while he still always played with me because he knew how happy it made me. Then there was the time he was spending the night at my house after my Mom was finally single and we decided to have an egg toss in the living room. When the egg exploded on the couch I'm pretty sure we both knew we only had mere moments to survive. But Chris had grown up with my Aunt Theresa and if anyone knew how to handle this situation it was him. He literally saved our lives.
My cousin Chris is literally the brother I never had when I was growing up. He's the one who know's every little detail about my childhood that no one else could possibly know. When I see his face my heart fills up with love. We've both had hard times throughout the years but the people we are today are worthy of a huge pat on the back. We've got this growed up thing even though as children we never imagined we would ever have to be growed ups.
The other night I got a surprisingly wonderful visit from my cousin Chris. My husband was texting him from Grandmothers because he lives right up the street and telling him to come get us and take us home. I had NO IDEA this was going on until Chris was in the parking lot. Not ready to leave I went out to try and get him to come in but he only had his socks on so he couldn't come in. I mean he was dressed he just didn't have shoes!! Cuz that would have been really awkward!! Anyway here's my most favorite closest cousin who I almost never get to see anymore cuz our lives are just so crazy and he's sitting there with this huge cheesy grin on his face at midnight ready to drive me home. That's just the wonderful person that he is.
So I got in and we chatted a bit. In the process he brought up my blogs and told me how much he enjoyed them except for one. The boogeyman blog. It was obvious to me that the pain he felt from reading it was very real. I knew that it was something that would be hard for people to read and I never wrote about it to hurt anyone. I did it so I could help others to realize they are not always alone. And that no matter what you go through you can always overcome it.
What I didn't realize is that there were some people who really didn't know what had been happening. I really thought everyone knew the truth or eventually found it out later on. He told me in that moment that to him it was always just a big blow up that happened over one weekend and then they got divorced. I HAD NO IDEA! I really thought he knew. And for him reading that blog, knowing all along that as we were growing up he knew nothing about it and did nothing to help pained him. My OBVIOUS answer to him was that there was nothing he could have done. Of course. He was just a child However I understand his pain. To him he's just finding out that the Woman he considered not just a cousin but much like a Sister had gone through all this and he never knew. And I'm so deeply sorry that I hurt him with my blog.
However Chris I need you to know this. Because this is YOUR BLOG. YOU were my best friend. My Hero. And for some twisted reason the man I was going to marry some day. :D You were my most favorite thing to look forward to every day even when we were sick of each other by the end of Summer. You were the one who always made me laugh and play because I had no one else to play with. And you were my "Safe" place to be. If I hadn't had you all those years I'm not sure I would have made it through as well as I did. And when I see your face it brings great joy to my heart because back then there wasn't much joy for me but you were the definition of joy to me and still are. I love you to the Moon and back and forever and ever and ever and no matter how much or little we see each other you will always be in my thoughts.
Now. I got March 16th 2012. IT's MINE and if you take it back I will hunt you down and make you eat worms.......
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