OK so here's the deal. You fall in love, get married and run off to your honeymoon. Maybe you lived together for a long time, Maybe not. Either way you think you know this person that you have committed the rest of your life to. And you do. You know THIS person. But you DO NOT know the person who you married who has kids. That person is a completely different person than the one you met and married. Unless of course you've already had kids and then you got married.
Here's my point. When you get married and have that dream of creating life and raising children together you don't consider certain things. Like how you were raised. Or how your spouse was raised. There is a good chance you both come from completely different upbringings. And when you have that first baby it's like the most wonderful thing you could ever imagine. The love you feel is more powerful than anything on this Earth........
Then the baby turns 3. And all of the sudden you have to start disciplining. And guess what? Even if you think you know 100% for sure what you would do. You don't. And if you say you do and you did your lying. You don't know. You can say all day long every day of your life that you "Will be different" than your parents. Or that "You will NEVER" do what your parents did. But the hard cold truth is that you will. You will find yourself doing EXACTLY what your parents did and then looking at your spouse like they are the cuuuuraaaaaziest person on the planet when they even remotely suggest that you should do it their way. Because their way is GOING TO BE DIFFERENT. It's most likely going to be the exact opposite of what you think should be done. And this my friends is when you finally "Meet" the person you married.
It does not matter how many conversations you had about how many kids you would have, how you would act if they got hurt, how you would discipline them when they misbehave.....you will not do what you said because you had NO FRIGGING CLUE!!..... What having kids was all about. And you had no clue what your response to having children would be.
How could anyone know until they have had kids? They can't. It's just simply not possible. You absolutely have to have children in order to know what having children is all about. And you have to have children in order to be able to make any kind of rational judgement about how children should be dealt with. And if you don't have any children....yes I'm going to say it.....you need to STFU because you don't have a clue. Keep your opinions to yourself please because those of us who have children do not care what you have to say. I'm sorry but it's the truth. Until you have your own kids you cannot possibly even come remotely close to knowing what it is like to be a parent or HOW to deal with kids. You may have good suggestions or idea's but you just don't know. Nothing in this World or in the Universe will make you stronger or wiser than having children. And once you have children there is nothing that can hurt you more than your children.
Now. Back to my point. When you finally meet this person you've been married to who all of a sudden is someone you do not know because you are disagreeing on how to raise your children, you have to realize that you come from completely different places. This person is a stranger to you. If you are going to succeed at this business of raising children I would suggest therapy. If you are not someone who wants to go to therapy than I would highly suggest finding a way to meet half way. Because as much as I hate to say it children from broken homes usually blame themselves for their parents breaking up. And guess what? It's true. Not in the sense that the child has done something wrong to make the parents break up. But in the sense that the parents cannot come together and be strong enough to agree to raise the child together.
Example: Mom stays home all day and takes care of the kids. She has her way of dealing with things and then Dad comes home and trumps everything Mom has been working on all day to instill in the kids.
Example: Dad is home and decides something is going to go down a certain way. Mom steps in because she's the boss and trumps Dad in front of the kids.
I am the first to admit that Jay and I are not perfect parents. We have 3 girls. Kelsey is Keres 1.0 the prototype. Bizzy is Keres 2.0 the upgrade. And Jelly is Keres 3.0 the advanced version. We have made many many mistakes over the years and I'll tell you who has suffered the most. The children. The reason Jay and I are still together today is because we have a love that is so deep that we cannot live without each other. And in order to stay together we've had to realize that we are completely different people who bring different things to the table. Meeting half way is our only option. We have to be one as far as raising our kids goes. If we aren't than we can no longer be.
So....... In my opinion. And this is just my opinion but I really feel very strongly about it. You do not actually meet your spouse until you have a child together. And this isn't always a bad thing. It's just something I wish I would have known ahead of time. Of course it probably wouldn't have mattered because I knew everything. But if you are open minded and willing to "hear" me remember that if you are married now without children....there is someone you are waiting to meet. And when you meet that person try to be patient and understanding because guess what? They are just meeting you too!
No comments:
Post a Comment